THE CLODHOPPER AND THE BALD-HEADED MAN
Part 4 of 6
Source: The Crittenden Record. (Marion, Ky.) 1904-1907, January 26, 1906, Image 2 - Chronicling America - The Library of Congress.
[A story of love and business told in verse, and written expressly for
THE RECORD by Robert C. Haynes, author of "Dark Days and Bright."]
Just how it was done no one ever can tell,
For tho' over so soon 'twas done none the less well.
Bim! bim! bang! ker-whack! Thro' the window--Joe's plan--
As if kicked by a mule, crash'd the bald-headed man!
Another week pass'd, and one day Pounder Green--
He had just left his room and his writing machine--
Walking down Middle street, was just going across
To his home, when he met the big, bald-headed boss.
"How's your health today, Green?" asked the bald-headed man;
"Let me speak a few words to you, sir, if you can.
Now of course what I tell you will be without price,
I just want to drop in, sir, a word of advice."
"It appears to me, Green, that a good man like you--
Good on a machine, and you-re up in years, too--
Would be better equipped for the battles of life,
If he had a good all-round, business-like wife."
"I've been thinking," continued the bald-headed man--
"And there's no one can down me in forming a plan--
That no girl would suit you so well, Pounder Green,
As that bright, little fairy-faced elf, Imogene."
"A treasure more precious than gold she would be;
No helpmate more willing or loving than she.
A girl who can pound on a writing machine
Would make a good wife, too, for any man, Green!"
"And I'll further say this, Green--for such is my plan--
Just between you and me," said the bald-headed man.
"If you'll lose no more time, and will wed Imogene,
I'll give you a splendid new writing machine."
"Well, I'll duly consider your words," answered Green;
"I have always tho't well of the fair Imogene.
And will give, sir, due weight to your words and your plan,
For you are, after all, a kind bald-headed man."
Then out, off and on went the hard-pounding Green,
Who was soon again punching his writing machine;
And tho' on he kept punching, his thoughts would go
To a nice little home down on Middleton Row.
"I'm in luck! ha! ha! ha!" laughed the bald-headed man,
"I have struck now--ha! ha!--on a sure going plan
To get square with that clod-hopping, hod-toting Turk!
That oily-tongued Green can most sure do the work!"
It was evening again, calm and clear, and the light--
Hemm'd off from the earth by the "curtains of night"--
Faded slowly but surely, and then, by and by,
The stars, one by one, boldly peep'd from the sky.
While the last rays were fading away, Imogene,
Who sat pensively, listlessly watching the scene,
Just as she had watch'd the same scene oft before,
Heard a footstep without then a knock at the door.
"There's a visitor coming--who would have tho't so?
Coming thus unannounced--I'll just wager 'tis Joe!"
Ten arising and crossing the room, Imogene
Softly open'd the door. 'Twas the hard-pounding Green!
"My! What a surprise! So 'tis you Mr. Green,
When I tho't it was Joe." smiled the fair Imogene.
"Just come in, have a seat, sir, and tell me the news;
You and I, you know, always had similar views."
"That's a fact I am slow to forget, Imogene,
And I trust they may coincide still," answered Green;
For, to tell you the truth--which should always be told--
And I trust you'll not think me untimely and bold."--
"I've been thinking to-day, and for days," went on Green,
"As I pounded away on my writing machine,
'Twould be well, in fact best, as the Bible has said,
To quit living alone and, in fact, to be wed."
"What a 'striking' coincidence, that Mr. Green!
Ah, is it not strange, sir." went on Imogene,
"That our views run like parallel lines, I might say?
For I, too, have been thinking precisely that way!"
"What first set me to thinking this way, Imogene,
Was the falling in love with a girl," resum'd Green.
"She's so noble and sweet--this bright-eyed little elf--
I fell 'heels over head' and in spite of myself!"
"It happened one day," went on hard-pounding Green,
"I had just quit my room and my writing machine,
And out on the street and was starting to go
Just a few blocks away, down on Middleton Row."
"We two met, and she gave me a smile and a bow,
Then I went for my had, and some way, or some how,
It made my heart flop--even faster I ween,
Than the swift-going keys of a writing machine!"
"Oh! my, my! How romantic!" exclaimed Imogene,
"And how similar, too, ev'ry way, Mr. Green,
To a little 'adventure' that happened with me
And the 'cutest' young man--a heart-winner was he!"
"A fine, bright day it was, and as still, Mr. Green,
As the boss' deserted old writing machine!
Well, we met and I bowed--for I could but do that--
But oh! my poor heart, when he 'dived' for his hat!"
(To be Continued.)