DOG-OWNER NO. 1
Part 2 of 3
Source: Crittenden Record-Press. (Marion, Ky.), June 12, 1913, Edition 1, Image 3 - Chronicling America - The Library of Congress.
(Reported by R. C. Haynes.)
"I have always looked upon myself as being as brave as most men." continued Dog-Owner No. 1. "When a boy, although peaceably inclined, I'd always stand my ground and fight my antagonist, even though I got knocked out in the fourth round, rather than run. Even now, I would not hesitate, if occasion called for it, to take up my gun and army canteen and go forth to face the bullets of the enemy in defense of my country. But who would not, gentlemen, show the white feather, so to speak, before the double-quick charge of a mad cow and a crazy cow-driver? Who would not, on such an occasion--with the thought of hydrophobia uppermost in his mind--lay aside all thought of combat and seek safety 'with his back to the field and his feet to the foe?'
"Notwithstanding reflections like these, after I had gone a short distance I paused and glanced up the road. The cow was making toward me in full tilt and the driver, having lost control over her, was plunging along after the animal with long strides, his hat in one hand and holding to the end of the rope with the other!
"I looked around me. No friendly tree, up which I might climb, was near; no obliging fence, over which I might leap, was in sight; no cave, into whose dark depths I might hide, was open to me; not even a hollow log, into which I might crawl for safety, was visible to me. I therefore did the only sensible thing left me to do--I again took to my heels as fast as my legs would carry me.
"As I was plunging on down the road, leaving a blue streak behind me, I heard a jumble of words coming from the mouth of the cow-driver--words which I failed to comprehend the meaning of--followed by a side-splitting Haw-haw-haw! Haw-haw-haw!
"The dog-gon'd scoundrel of a cow-driver!--to be thus laughing at my calamity. It is outrageous, I reflected. The man who wouldn't stir up heel dust in front of a mad cow or a bull affected with hydrophobia, would not run from the Old Boy himself.
"Although I am a member of the Presbyterian church in good standing, I again reflected, I'll get even with that dad-gum'd cow-driver, whether he be Bob Elkins, Jim Hill or Nathan Ward!
"With these consoling reflections, I plunged on down the road toward home, paying no apparent attention to the impudent cow-driver, and as I rushed on I could hear behind me the plunging of the determined beast in her frantic efforts to lessen the distance between us!
"Fortunately the road was down-grade, and being by nature long-legged, the tracks I made down that hill were amazingly far-apart and made in remarkable rapid succession, my feet pounding against the roadway and leaving a cloud of dust behind me.
"On I went, head-on, pell-mell, and on came the cow and the cow-driver after me!
"Glancing back a second time, I saw that the cow had gotten loose from the man and was plunging on unrestrained, the rope trailing in the dust behind her, the cow-driver following in full tilt and making desperate grabs of the rope!
EDITOR'S NOTE--This stirring adventure, as told by Dog-Owner No. 1, will be concluded in this department of the Record-Press next week.